my posts have become less and less entertaining.

will write again come Burning man season.

Summary:
I got a back massage from a very stong 75 year old village woman.
I ate a mangosteen.
I played golf for the first time.

I miss toilets that flush. I miss them so badly.
I'm going to spend another night in shanghai and I will try to eat as much as possible.
I havent bought any souvenirs..yet.
I shoudl probably bring somehting nice back for my mother.

I want to party when I get back. There will be cool dance moves? Has anyone learned any dance moves? have either of the two people reading my blog learned any dances moves in the last week?

Interesting news Tom, turns out only gay men and the olsen twins like vespas.
( please help me buy girltalk tickets. oh lord i am begging you. you can have anything...anything...my first born.please oh lord i want to go to this concert.)

eliza and gui too. but we will figure that out later. Unless we never figure it out and regret it for the rest of our lives.

I missed sirenfest...MIA and We are scientists and Voxtrot. Fuck me and this fucking jungle shit.

i want to fly back and sleep in sophies mermaid hair.

I think the altitude here has gotten to my head.

I have picked up and std, an IUD, and a nasty heroin habit.
This is a cry for help.

shout outs:

maggie, chloe,and lily ( answer each others calls or one of you may die!)
I miss zakia and her svelte ass.
thiviya...nice knockers.
cool new pants yuriy
When does gabe get back?
Whats up emma? emma, you there?
whatcha reading susan?
You smell that Noah? I smell something..
someone tell Farah that when I get back we are going to queens and buying me an indian nose ring.

showering is overrated

so maybe shrooms are legal here but pot is not.
One of my father's friends came into the country with like 40 dollars worth of weed inside their boogey board and got 20 years in a balinese prison.

Went on a yacht yesterday called the Raja Laut which means " king of the seas."
The captain was french and spent the night talking about his encounter with somalian pirates.
They had bazookas and he had a machete and he got completely owned.

Indonesian pirates are suppose to be friendly

Pirate: argh gimme all your money !
captain: calm down Kutek...sit down have a glass of wine..
..................................................................................................
Pirate: alright alright... keep an eye on that foxy wife of yours.
Captain: you kow youre welcome here anytime Kutek...
Pirate: Bon voyage

type thing.

My stepmom is clearly an alcoholic
but who isnt here?
she also has a beer belly and boobs down to her feet.
amazing eyes though.
i'll give her that.

I'm a better mom than she is.
I don't know what this kid is going to do.
I lucked out with my mom.

He is really cute though..he's the blonde you see in my pictures. His name is Cabot and he is going to be 6 this year. He asked me at the restaurant last night if it was okay if he went to sleep.
He and his friends asked if i had a boyfriend
then they asked if I had any tattoos

Dad said that if he ever got a tatto it would be a submarine
becuase then he woudl always know when "things were going down."

so there is dwarf rising along in his car when there is an accident.
The dwarf egts out of his car and tells the other driver
" i am not happy."
The other driver says
" then which one are you?"


there is a shitload of help here like "staff" but seriosuly like 6 people running around sneaking up on me. the big boss pair are maddei and rearren
rearren just sounds like rear end.
no way of getting around it.

mmm there is also a dog from hell running around the house. MJ loves him but he is seriously just a huge mexican rat. smelly ass rag of a dog.
hes named peanut. gross.

i havent showered in 3 days.

long posting.

Alright, it isnt appendicitis and she insists its a muscle cramp but if it continues she wants me to gtet a sonogram in the states.
hmph.

Bali is beautiful, the house is right on the beach and I can hear the waves crashing. I am suppose to get a surf lesson friday morning before I leave. The country is very Hindu andyou cna find offerings and temples and such all over. Tomorrow we're going to stay up in the mountains in the north.

had breakfast on the beach this morning. So many good looking surfers. made me embarassed to eat. They are actually really cool.
Billabong is hosting an international competition on Echo beach which is 5 minutes away from us. The rip curl cup is also being held soon. the waves are monster.


This part of the summer is kite season and there are streamers all over town, in the rice paddies, on the beach. It is the beginning of harvest.

shrooms are legal here. nuff said.

My father has decided that as a graduation gift I can have friends over for a week here. alone. schwingza.
I figure a shitload of us like roadtrip across the states in a couple vans. Then when we get to like L.A. a smaller group of us can ffly direct to Bali. the other half of us I probably don't care so much about.

The house can easily accomodate 6-7
and can sort of handle 20
sleeping on the couch is seriously not so bad.
shrooms are fucking legal!

christ!

All of my dads and MJs friends love me. I'm popular. yeah you heard me. yeah.

getting my chinese visa together for my flight back. real pain in the ass. by the time I arrive back home i'll have been on, in total, 8 flights.

ny-chicago-shanghai-hk-depasar and back. I'll fly direct next time.

making a stop in australia sounds good.
then to like the easter islands....galapagos...chile...brazil...cuba...

i want to go to rio de janeiro. old men die and young men cry. hell yes.

forget eurotripping unless it is like eastern europe. overdone.
so many of the wrong people choose to travel to western europe.

wouldn't mind being in a russian vodka bar with a fur coat on in paris. eliza and lily are having fun i am sure.

also. forget travel unless it is with my pals. i miss everyone.

especially joe. he is one funny bitch.

i miss you all.

i am also missing tom parties.
everyday is a party.
cheers.

Diagnosis...

For starters I have recently disgnosed myself with appendicitis and I am going to a doctor this morning to have tests done to check. If i'm correct they will have to operate. It is very scary.

About yesterday

good brunch

The guy Mj waned me to hook up with was yucky
there were two guys from the netherlands that were completely hot.
Vincent who was witty and Xander who was like max slechinger but sexy and smooth and not smelly.
They had a pal valyerio from italy who was really hilarious. We were playing bullshit and it was his first time. He was like
" oh dont have"

also met a girl named mischa...half thai but is living in uganda, Very interational.



Havent read harrry potter yet. couldnt really give a shit. I'll have emma send me a synopsis.

BALI

SOOO BEAUTIFUL

I lvoe it here. I went out last night to a cocktail party and today there is going to be a brunch with a load of teenagers. Went swimming this morning. So beautiful. Amazing. Ugh.

HK airport

currently waiting for my flight out of HK to Bali. It was a fuckign ordeal getting to this point. Took a plane from Shnaghai to Shenzhen province then a turbo jet boat to HK. Cried when I arrive. Cried some more when I went to visit my old house. Cried at the view. Cried on my father...who si not flying wiht me today. Kind of scary flying out of HK to Bali alone. I have no one to call. No roaming cellphone. Dad assures me that there will be a car to pick me up but for christs sake he has let me down before. I am wolfing down a plate of fucking amazing chinese noodles.

So he got turned away at the desk becuase his US passport doesnt have anymore blank pages. There are a few in the back but they are reserved for like endorsements or something. check yourts out you know what i mean. So money lost money wasted. Also...this jackass booked a flight back to shanghai for me on the 4th when he clearly knew that I had to be there on the 29th for the proper flight back to the states. I dont know what the fuck is going to happen to me.

zai zian shanghai

This is my last post from Shanghai.
I had a really fabulous time.
Its a city with a lot of flair, especially in the french concession where I've stayed. I saw the Bund last night with its beautiful skyscrapers and European bank type buildings. There are plenty of Beggars there who leech off the western tourists. Its a known fact that many use other people's children as props and force them to chase the men in suits. Seriously..swarms of toddlers all about the same age running around.Its is incredibly disgusting and sad. Its also no coincidence that there are no teens and that the young ones are never any older than 5. My father gets angry at these women and tells them they should be ashamed. Its true. Elle says that the average income for a family in China is 3000 RMB a month which is less than 400 US.

I have to say that th Shanghainese are a very interesting people. Shanghainese women run business here and completely pussy-whip their husbands. Very in control and extremly sexy. There is also a great admiration for American pop culture here. Elle was telling me about how the chinese newspapers write about Paris Hilton and how surprising she finds it that we air our dirty laundry so freely.

I also took a long walk with my father around his neighborhood.We walked past a bunch of younger people who came up to us and asked if they could practice thier english. The first question was about our nationality and when we said we were American one began to sing , "I want it that way." It was pretty classic. There is an incredible amount of art deco architecture. The colonial powers built these huge stately homes all over Shanghai which were later transformed by Mao into HQs for comrades.

I had a chance to visit a couple of Shanghai Museums and the famous house of the Song sisters. A very prominent family in Shnaghai who sent their three daughters to Wesleyan University to study. The eldest married for money into the Kong banking clan. The second married for love...Chiang kai-shek. bad girl. The youngest married Dr. Sun Yet-Sen for power and influence. Pretty wild family.

The chinese don't now how to drive and just kind of swerve around. Thiviyas people and my own are both very bad at driving. The chinese also can't drink but like if I were at a club and we were both drunk i feel like I would be the better driver. Not that I wold ever drive drunk. Not that I can drive. Not that thiviya would be a bad driver.

My father's pal Elle had lunch with us yesterday and just strolled in and was like, " there was a huge explosion in Manhttan.People died." I had a complete fucking heart attack. What was that bitch even thinking telling me that in her half chinglish? Isn't that an awful nightmare? christ....where I am from you don't do that. Turns out things weren't quite as bad as I imagined.

Also I have to return my phone chip to Fiona. It was originally bought for Christina Augilera..I know I should probably just sell it on E-bay. Her 12 year-old daughter, who is vacationing in Germany, really loves X-tina so during her Asian tour Fiona called up her like deep connections and had her over for dinner...and gave her a phone chip....which is now in my posession.

The other night I came home from dinner and found Fiona entertaining her crazy French friend and another asian guy. His name was like.....Peter. Anyways,he was born in NYC and came to Shnaghai for business. He was 25 but completely looked like he was my age. I drank amazing tarlant champagne. We gotta do that in NYC.

I will try and remember to send some good cacao powder and baking flour to Fiona from like dean and deluca. She cannot get the proper european ingedients in Shnaghai which must be very painful for a good chef.

I realize that I take very good care in grooming myself when I am traveling. Travel makes you smelly and dirty.

I also enjoy making fresh orange juice and must invest in a good juicer.

I checked in the morning... isnt that embarassing?

GAH there is a comment on my last post and I cannot read it. GAH.
facebook works though. Yeah whatever I'm going on facebook its my fucking vacation and I am going to get excited about new notifications okay?

There is only one thing wrong with china

to many chinese walking around like they own the place.

ba dum ...clank...

the government is going to come after me and I will be dead in the pu dong river by noon.

ching chong chinaman on a fence

try to make a dollar out of 15 cent.

I dont know anymore witty racist things to title my posts. I also can't view my own blog becuase of the internet restrictions. It's pretty wild. I can, on the other hand, go to blogger.com and sign in and write posts. They also read all of your email here; it is why unemployment is low.
I drank a lot last night and I have been feeling ill all day. I also had a shiload of clothing tailored and made to order. 6 pieces total, the gem being a great strapless party dress. Try getting that tailored in the states for less than 40 USD. I also got a great foot message with my father's friend Elle, for 68 yuan ( approx. 7 bucks) It lasted an hour. Cab rides are less than $4. I got tara lipinski assasinated for 10 bucks and I bought a dinosaur to ride to school in the fall for like.... double that.
I am making a stop in Hong Kong on Friday before I go to Bali. that should be really traumatic and emotional...In that case I promise to write all about it and take pictures of the disusting pitiful mess I will be.

also its really disgustingly hot yada yada air pollution yada yada electric bikes blah blah

sophmores ( juniors?) currently reading should take a moment to smoke my rod.

blogging is a shameful shameful dirty thing.

many men smoke...but fu man chu

So after the 22 hour trip across the arctic circle I have finally arrived in Shanghai. I didn't sleep a wink and sat next to a huge idiot who kept on elbowing my armrest. My channel flipped, the light went on and off, and the sudoku I was working on was diabolical. I insist on taking an oceanliner back to the states. I will see you all in November. I also considered buying replica set of earrings seen on Hermione in the yule ball scene from the airline's duty free magazine. But really, what is the point if the only one who would ever notice was snigdha?
My father is fat. He is also too hip for his own good. He enjoys Mango daquiris and Corrine Bailey-Raye...he is kind of a faggot. I am staying at a close friend's house, Fiona and Albane are a really interesting couple. She is Shanghainese but grew up in Germnay and is award winning chef. Albane is a Dutchman who hates the japanese after they slaughtered his family in the japanese " liberation " of Indonesia. they are very sweet and laid back. Last night I walked in and they wer ehaving dinner with a French professor who speaks chinese with an accent and is an arrogant bastard. Great face though, like a skeleton......I will paint him.
My father left me with " good luck, this place is wildly haunted." He laughed his ass off on the stairs. My father reminds me of Yuriy. He also used the term " BFD" instead of just saying " big fucking deal."

Where is the...

memory slot on this macbook pro? Oh wait, it doesn't have one. This blog is going to be less colorful than I thought. I will try to remedy the situation during the 14 hour flight.

Itinerary

Monday, July 16th
Depart from NYC 8:30 am from LaG
Arrive in Shanghai 2:05 local time @ PDA

Saturday, July 21st
Depart Shanghai direct to Jakarta
arrive in Bali

Sunday, July 29th
get back to Shanghai for 4:10 pm flight to
arrive 11:25 pm in NYC